For most people, their child's birthday is cause for celebration. Preparations. Parties. Gifts. Laughter. All of that should be what happens. Maybe, someday, I will get there. For now, though, this day is not any of those things. Sadness. Tears (lots of them at times). Regret. Anger. Guilt. That is my day.
Today is Madison's 7th birthday. How I wish that she were here. Every day I thank God for my two beautiful, healthy, living children. And I also thank him for my sweet angel, Madison. Not a day goes by that I don't think about her in some way. Over the years, the thoughts have changed, grown, like she should have. It's hard not to think about what might have been, what could have been. No - what should have been.
I have met, talked with and read so many stories about other people's loss of a child. Every story is different, but the end result is the same. I hate having my own story. No one should ever have to suffer the loss of a child. But here I am. Living it every day. Never will I live without it.
I hope that they throw parties in Heaven, because there should be one today. I can see the balloons that I send every year to Madison sitting on a table next to a beautiful cake and a stack of gifts from all the friends she has made in her seven years there. I can see her smiling and laughing. No pain. How wonderful it must be.
Happy Birthday my sweet Angel.
